Motherfish #15- Folly a Ducks

Album of the Week, sort of

Because of the nature of how I write this blog, updating weekly discussing the music that I want to and only featuring new music once a month, all of the music I’ve talked about so far I liked. It makes sense if you think about it. Why would I waste time talking about bad music? But, then a friend of mine specifically requested I review something I don’t like. And, well, in the very beginning of Motherfish I said I would talk about bad music. Plus, as a reviewer, it’s important to play both sides of the field. But more so than that: being able to form an unbiased opinion is something you need to function in society. I’ve met some pretty stupid people here at college, which seems odd. Well, the reason why stupid people get into college is because they’re book smart but lacking entirely in common sense or reason. They’re stupid because they are so deeply ingrained in their own opinion that they believe it is some sort of divine providence laid upon us mere mortals. They come off as ignorant and basically dumb. This may come as a shock to some, but there are people like that everywhere, and the best you can do is smile, walk away, and hope that some horrible tragedy befalls their cursed existence sooner or later. The point is, objectivity is a useful skill. Keeping an open mind not only allows you to experience new things (and possibly enjoy them) but it makes you a much more pleasant person to be around. I mean, I was walking into Panera Bread to meet somebody for lunch and there was a woman with a little girl behind me, so I held the door. She then turned to me and said “What, you think that just because I’m a woman, I can’t hold a door?” Seriously, what the fuck. And now I proudly present a review of something I don’t like.

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Folie A Deux by Fall Out Boy

Everybody knows Fall Out Boy. Even my parents. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being mainstream. I have no problems with any band who can make shit-tons of cash playing their music. I personally tend to stray away from mainstream bands only because the demands placed on them by the major record labels tend to stifle creativity and innovation. Suffice it to say, my problems with FOB lie not in the size of their fan base, but rather in everything they live for. Maybe that’s a little unfair. I don’t know them as people, so rather than say that they ARE a bunch of douche bags, I’m just going to ASSUME I’m right. I’d like to make some remark about how FOB’s latest release, Folie A Deux, should be more aptly titled Generic Radio Pop Rock for Girls with No Tits, but I really can’t because Fall Out Boy has some sort of predisposition to hate the English language and the rules that make it function. Folie A Deux is a little more tame than previous albums, I must say. But I will never remember a song called Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet. Or Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes. Mostly because I’m too embarrassed to admit I know them, but also because they’re long and make no sense. Usually bands don’t go out of their way to make their fans forget the names of their songs. But Fall Out Boy abstains, courteously. They started a new trend, something I like to call the “The More Obscure and Irrelevant I Name My Songs and Albums, the More Hip People Will Think I Am” theory. Surprisingly, it doesn’t work. When I review an album, I’ll put it on while I read or waste my life on the internet, and I’ll keep a notepad next to my computer to jot down random ideas I have.
This is how my note for today began:






Let’s get into the music, which is where the album really sucks. Ok first track, generic FOB sounding song with generic FOB vocal melodies. The drum quality is pretty good, and I actually had moderately high expectations for the first 3:13 of the album. When the “Detox just to eat cocks” breakdown started, I jotted down that note. Then the song ended and I expected another twelve tracks of mediocre pop rock for high school students. I was totally wrong. I Don’t Care, the uniquely named second track on the album sounds like a shitty punk band trying to emulate the shitty dance-rock vibe of the late 80’s. Oddly enough, that’s exactly what it is. Imagine if Dead or Alive, the creative engine behind the 1985 smash hit You Spin Me Round (Like a Record), suddenly decided that they wanted to record a new album, and they wanted it to sound as horrible as possible. That’s what I Don’t Care sounds like. Yeah. Anway, after that song I hoped the worst was over. Apparently Fall Out Boy wants to punish their fans even more. The next song, She’s My Winona, draws influence from a source even more absurd than a terrible 80’s one hit wonder. At 3:23, Fall Out Boy reaches into Walt Disney’s frozen asshole and pulls out a modulation (key change for those not musically inclined) which would feel right at home in Beauty and the Beast or Pocahontas. Well according to Fall Out Boy, Disney was on to something, so in homage they modulate a second time. Because the first time when I thought I was listening to children’s musical theater wasn’t convincing enough. ‘But wait!’ fans of Fall Out Boy call out to me, ‘my favorite part of listening to Fall Out Boy is the way the lyrics really touch me!’, to which I reply ‘show me on the doll where the lyrics touched you?’ and then they cry. Well, let’s take a look at these lyrics, that are apparently so great that they make terrible music worth listening to. “Head like a steel trap, wish I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t, I don’t”. I did not add a single “I didn’t” except for the one I keep repeating in my head in a futile attempt to convince myself I never really listened to this album. Want to see some more? How about this little gem: “Fly your cameras in the air, and wave ‘em like you just don’t care”. Wow, I didn’t see that coming. Really. I figured after Backstreet Boys, Jay-R, Will Smith, and Sugarhill Gang (to name a few) all instructed us in the fine art of reckless hand waving, that the phrase was dead. But no. They couldn’t let it rest in peace. Next thing you know, Fall Out Boy will start singing about how they don’t see nuthin wrong with a little bump n grind. That, my friends, will be a grim day indeed.

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And that concludes today’s review. I had fun writing about something I don’t like, so you might be seeing these every so often. Who knows. There are some possible changes coming to Motherfish, plus a few things I’m working on currently to spruce things up around here, so stay tuned for lots of nifty things. Oh, and follow me on Twitter. Join me next week for a review that I’ve been waiting to do since I started this blog.


I’m giving you this song as punishment for your sins:



Thanks to youtube user Caladis074 for posting this, because I really didn't care enough to upload it myself.