Motherfish #11- I'm an Asshat

Album of the Week

As many of you may be aware, tomorrow is April 1st, aka April Fool’s day. This year, however, the joke’s on me. I had a whole elaborate plan to write a “final post” claiming to be shut down by my university for encouraging the piracy of music and shit like that. And then I was gonna be all “LOL APRIL FOOLS DIPSHITS” and give you the review, which was a new release. BUT GUESS WHAT?! Today’s still MARCH. FUUUUUUU- Yeah, so I was just about to post that when I realized I had to write a whole new review, otherwise I’d look like an idiot. I do that enough already, so I figured the extra effort would be worth it. Also, it makes for a pretty good story because honestly, who doesn’t like hearing about me fucking something up? I blame it on being home. I’m home on spring break this week, and I’ve realized that being here is totally detrimental to my work ethic. I can’t get anything done. It’s great to be home and all, but seriously, I have shit to do. So, next week you’ll be getting the review that I had originally planned for today. What about today, you ask? Well I had to pull something out of my ass, which usually ends poorly for everybody (myself included) but I think this is actually going to be fun. Today’s band is one of my favorite bands to listen to for a lot of reasons, besides the fact that they are quite possibly the coolest dudes I’ve ever met.

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The Mechanical Hand by Horse the Band

My relationship with Horse the Band is a unique and interesting one. It all began two years ago, when I was sitting at lunch with some friends. We had tickets to see Horse at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park, NJ, and were discussing what would be the most insane thing to do in the mosh pit during the infamous Cutsman breakdown. Thus was born the Phalanx, a set of motions comprised by myself and my friends Adam, Elie, and Lauren. Oh, if anyone else was at that specific lunch, sorry but I don’t remember you being there. Anyway, the Phalanx involved a slow rotation with your fist raised above your hear in the center of the pit, you and your companions all forming a circle (many people joined us that night) and once Nathan, Horse’s vocal master, starts saying the word “cut”, the fists become scissors on top of the head. Once the slow part of the breakdown ends, the brutality begins. That night, the very first Phalanx ended with my jaw being dislocated and my friend Mike ultimately needing stitches. But we were on top of the world. After the show, we told Erik, Lord Gold, the synth player, about our creation and the resulting injuries. He recommended that we go to the hospital, to which I replied “Nah, we’re going to Ihop. You should come”. So began a beautiful friendship. The Phalanx has grown and blossomed, and, many shows later, our relationship with Horse the Band has grown stronger. They are fucking awesome. It’s impossible to not be laughing your ass off the entire time you’re with them, no matter where you are or what you’re talking about. This sense of humor and an unquenchable thirst for fun are what make their music so entertaining to listen to. Horse’s sound is on the heavier side, David, a guitar player of near limitless talent, plays a lot in drop D tuning, which really brings out the lower sounds of a guitar when coupled with some nice distortion. Nathan’s voice is like listening to somebody pouring gravel into a volcano, basically. The addition of keys doesn’t lessen the impact of the guitar or vocals, rather they bring something fresh to the mix. You aren’t listening to some cookie-cutter shitty hXc band (that’s hard x core for those of you who don’t know).

The Mechanical Hand is one of the most solid, consistent albums out there right now. Even though it’s Horse’s second release of three (not counting EPs), it’ll always be my favorite. There’s something I forgot to mention. Erik has unlocked some sort of secret technique for making his synth sound exactly like an old 16 bit game system, namely Super Nintendo. Mechanical Hand opens with Birdo, the tale of the villain from Super Mario Bros. 2. Their first major release featured the song Cutsman, about Cutman from the Megaman series. I know what a lot of you might be thinking, “wow, two weeks of videogame music in a row? you’re an asshole with no life”. And while that’s not far from the truth, Horse offers much more than just modern adaptations of videogame songs. Though the subject matter is about videogames and their characters, the lyrics often have a deeper meaning to them. The song Manateen, my personal favorite, presents the depression and self loathing all teens have to face, and explores it through the perspective of a manatee, nature’s sea cow. One line sticks out in my mind: “I cut myself, hope to draw you in, but even the sharks pass by”. There’s a lot going on there. I could waste a lot of your time talking about what that line implies or what it means or whatever, but I won’t, because I’m sure you can figure it out for yourself. Afterall, if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, that means your either reasonably smart, or a very determined dumbass. Either way, kudos to you. I realized I haven’t said much about the actual music. Here it goes. Mechanical Hand is a fast paced, balls to the wall album full of heavy yet melodic guitar riffs. Nathan’s vocal stylings compliment the music well, he knows when a deep growl is apropos versus a gutwrenching yell, and he always matches the energy of the music. The synth gives them depth and brings the retro videogame qualities of their lyrics to their sound. They are a high energy band that bring some serious fun, something you just don’t get anymore. Horse found a balance between being silly and being serious and has maintained that since their first record, something which many bands simply can’t do. One thing is for certain, Horse puts themselves 100% into every song, on the album and when they perform. Seeing them live is nothing short of an experience. They have a DVD you can buy, which is totally worth it because funneling alcohol into your ass never gets old.

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Like I said, there were some special circumstances surrounding today’s review and why it was up so late. That being said, I’m sort of glad it happened because it gave me an opportunity to talk about one of my favorite bands. Favorite in the sense that they’re comfortable in the sound they’ve established but not afraid to grow from album to album, and they love what they’re doing. They’ve put on an amazing show every single time I’ve seen them, which is quite a few, and they’re all around awesome dudes. There’s nothing bad to be said about them, except for Nathan’s mustache. Sorry dude.


Some Horse the Band for you: